****HOW TO TELL IF YOUR HEAD'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP**** Note: The below is apparently from the tabloid "Weekly World News". This is a fine demonstration of this similtaniously abnormal and conspiracy publication protecting it's customer base: by claiming that if you actually use your brain, it will explode!! --- crossposted for your edification from alt.discordia---------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- : In article <42lfv2$dkf@hptemp1.cc.umr.edu>, jhatch@saucer.cc.umr.edu (Yog Shoggoth) writes: : >This information came to me via a professor of mine. : >--------------- : > : >MOSCOW - : > : >Doctors are blaming a rare electrical embalance in the brain for the : >bizarre death of a chess player whose head literally exploded in the : >middle of a championship game! : > : >No one else was hurt in the fatal explosion but four players and three : >officials at the Moscow Candidate Masters' Chess Championships were : >sprayed with blood and brain matter when Nicolai Titov's head suddenly : >blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called : >Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis or HCE. : > : >"He was in deep concentration with his eyes focussed on the board," says : >Titov's opponent, Vladimir Dobrynin. "All of a sudden his hands flew to : >his temples and he screamed in pain. Everyone looked up from their games, : >startled by the noise. Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, : >his head popped like a firecracker." : > : >Incredibly, Titov's is not the first case in which a person's head : >spontaneously exploded. Five people are known to have died of HCE in the : >last 25 years. The most recent death occurred just three years ago in : >1991, when European psychic Barbara Nicole's skull burst. Miss Nicole's : >story was reported by newspapers worldwide, including WWN. "HCE is an : >extremely rare physical imbalance," said Dr. Anatoly Martinenko, famed : >neurologist and expert on the human brain who did the autopsy on the : >brilliant chess expert. : > : >"It is a condition in which the circuits of the brain become overloaded : >by the body's own electricity. The explosions happen during periods of : >intense mental activity when lots of current is surging through the : >brain. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers of : >concentration. Both Miss Nicole and Mr. Titov were intense people who : >tended to keep those cerebral circuits overloaded. In a way it could be : >said they were literally too smart for their own good." : > : >Although Dr. Martinenko says there are probably many undiagnosed cases, : >he hastens to add that very few people will die from HCE. "Most people : >who have it will never know. At this point, medical science still doesn't : >know much about HCE. And since fatalities are so rare it will probably be : >years before research money becomes available." : > : >In the meantime, the doctor urges people to take it easy and not think : >too hard for long periods of time. "Take frequesnt relaxation breaks when : >you're doing things that take lots of mental focus," he recommends. : > : >HOW TO TELL IF YOUR HEAD'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP: : > : >Although HCE is very rare, it can kill. Dr. Martinenko says knowing you : >have the condition can greatly improve your odds of surviving it. A "yes" : >answer to any three of the following seven questions could mean you have : >HCE: : > : >1. Does your head sometimes ache when you think too hard? (Head pain can : >indicate overloaded brain circuits.) : > : >2. Do you ever hear a faint ringing or humming sound in your ears? (It : >could be the sound of electricity in the skull cavity.) : > : >3. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to get a thought out of your : >head? (This is a possible sign of too much electrical activity in the : >cerebral cortex.) : > : >4. Do you spend more than five hours a day reading, balancing your : >checkbook, or other thoughtful activity? (A common symptom of HCE is a : >tendency to over-use the brain.) : > : >5. When you get angry or frustrated do you feel pressure in your temples? : >(Friends of people who died of HCE say the victims often complained of : >head pressure in times of strong emotion). : > : >6. Do you ever overeat on ice cream, doughnuts, and other sweets? (A : >craving for sugar is typical of people with too much electrical pressure : >in the cranium.) : > : >7. Do you tend to analyze yourself too much? (HCE sufferers are often : >introspective, "over-thinking" their lives.) : > : >---end of forwarded message : > : >Yog Shoggoth a.k.a. Jonathan Hatch (homepage: http://www.umr.edu/~jhatch) : > : >The Revolution will be televised. Be watching! Pay-per-view! Sunday Night! : Just for the record, Yog ol' kid ol' sock, the article appeared in that : venerable weekly, "The Weekly World News" sometime last year. I currently : have the article hanging on my Wall of Shame, right next to my "Alien : Abduction Warning Device." The astonishing photo they use to illustrate : HCE is the same one they use when they find Satan's face in a volacanic : eruption....thought you'd like to know... : Oberon Obsequie, KSC, CNDS, ETC ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Note: a wonderful description of how tabloids like WWN get their articles (Top SEKRIT summery: they mostly just make 'em up!! Duh!) can be found in the novel "The Midnight Examiner" by William Kotzwinkle. I personally concider this novel a masterpiece, and wonder why it hasn't yet been made into a movie. Highly recomended. -- Froggy * Froggy@neosoft.com * "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs] * *** "Don't just say Ribbit... Live it!!" -- Kerokerokeroppi. *** * President, Froggy's Usenet Salvage Company. * Hequet. Kermit. * * F.U.S.C. headquarters: alt.sex.hello-kitty * Tounge of Frog. *